How Do I Tell If He Loves Me – 15 Signs to Look Out For - Talk Your Heart Out (TYHO) (2024)

• 29 December 2022

If you are currently attached, you might be wondering, “How do I know if he truly likes me?” or “How do I tell if he loves me?” Or perhaps, you may be single now and are thinking about what to look out for when you eventually decide to be in a relationship. Either way, you are not alone – these are valid questions that many people have thought about.

In this article, we discuss 15 signs to look out for. These points work both ways, meaning that they could just as well be answering the question “How do I tell if she loves me”. Also, while the examples used may appear to be gender-specific or heteronormative at times, many of these principles are applicable to various types of relationship dynamics as well.

Respect can be shown in the way he treats you, such as in the way he speaks to you. For example, does he talk to you politely, listen empathically as you share something emotional, and apologise when a mistake is made?

In the presence of others, respect can be demonstrated not just in the way he treats you and speaks to you, but also in terms of the types of topics that are brought up. For instance, if you said or did something which he disliked, he waits until there is a chance to talk about it with you privately, instead of bringing it up immediately in front of colleagues, friends, or family members, which might embarrass you.

We all know that relationships take effort, and effort goes beyond the fancy surprises and “special moments” which are made known to others on social media. Neither is it all about the stereotypical flowers, chocolates, and the like.

A man who loves you and wants to spend their future with you will put in the effort to have the “tougher” conversations despite how uncomfortable they may initially feel, for the sake of improving the relationship. In other words, it is not always a bed of roses when the two of you are together, and that is okay. An example would be being willing to calmly dive deeper into the possible underlying causes of a recurring disagreement. Easier said than done for sure, andcouples therapycan be helpful in navigating these topics, especially when emotions run high.

Some signs to look out for if he loves you are that he respects, trusts, and prioritises you. He shows emotional interest in you, and does not only want to be with you for physical reasons (ie sex). He also lets you know that you are on his mind, and gives you updates about himself. Your partner is open to the idea of discussing a future with you and may even look forward to such discussions. In addition, he considers your wellbeing and remembers the small but important things about you. He values your opinions, makes decisions with you, and supports your efforts to achieve your individual goals. He is proud of being in a relationship with you. When there are disagreements, he is open to having tough conversations for the sake of the relationship, is receptive to feedback, and is willing to negotiate compromises where necessary.

There are times, however, where two people may love one another and both parties put in a lot of effort, but each person may not feel the love from their partner. One possible reason for this is that the partners might be giving and receiving love in different ways or speaking different “love languages”. If this interests you, you may wish to read up more about thefive love languages, a concept introduced by Dr Gary Chapman.

Some signs which may indicate that he does not love you or that he is unhappy in a relationship are if he does not put in any effort to communicate with you, he avoids you, he withholds affection, he is unwilling to compromise, he puts you down in front of other people, and if he makes plans without you in them. He may also be uninterested in working things out with you amicably when there are disagreements.

That said, there can be other reasons for these behaviours, such as stressors in his own life (egpeer pressure,work-related stress,burnout) or physical and mental health conditions. This is what makes communicating openly and honestly with one another so important.

A common mistake made by people in relationships is when they assume that they know what their partner is thinking or feeling, especially when things are not going smoothly.

Instead of guessing and assuming that you must be right, consider checking in with your partner by asking them directly what is on their mind. After all, they are the ones who would ultimately know their thoughts and feelings best. This simple act of clarifying can prevent miscommunication and resentment from brewing down the line.

Likewise, do not expect your partner to be able to read your mind. This is an unrealistic expectation, regardless of how long you may have been in a relationship or how well you may think your partner knows you and vice versa. For example, if you dish out the silent treatment to your partner in the hope that they will eventually link the clues together to figure out what went wrong, it is not just unlikely to work; it may have the opposite effect of frustrating your partner to no end and adding fuel to the fire. If there is something that you wish for them to know, find a way to tell them directly, politely, and lovingly.

Another common mistake is to expect your relationship to be perfect. No matter what you hear from others or what you see on social media, no couple is perfect. Any healthy relationship will have its fair share of disagreements. Unlike what happens in the movies or fairy tales where much of the hard work goes into getting into a relationship in the first place, the real work actually begins when the relationship starts. In other words, relationships are a process that requires effort from both parties, not a destination.

The first thing to do is to avoid jumping to conclusions. Instead, calm yourself down and pause for a moment to think about whether there could be any other possible reasons or explanations.

You can also consider reaching out to a trusted friend or family member and confiding in them – sometimes an unbiased viewpoint from someone who is not emotionally involved in the situation can give us much-needed perspective. If confidentiality is a concern, you may also speak to a professional therapist about it.

Lastly, decide whether you would want to bring what you have noticed up with your partner, and if so, how you might go about doing this.

In the unfortunate event that your partner is indeed cheating on you, know that it is not your fault. You may not be a perfect partner (none of us are, really), but the decision to cheat was theirs and theirs alone. Moving forward, what are some of the options you would consider?

If you are in a relationship, instead of creating scenarios to test your partner, it might be more beneficial to work on your communication as a couple in the long run. This may include how you express needs to one another, respond to each other, and work through disagreements.

Some people choose to start withindividual therapyto increase their self-awareness of the way they communicate or cope with their emotions, while others opt to go straight forcouples therapy, which can help to address recurring interpersonal conflicts and lead to insights about relationship dynamics.

Many of us struggle withmissing an exorletting go of someone we love. We can start by acknowledging our feelings and being honest with ourselves. For example, might we be selectively recalling a few specific good times, and downplaying the frequent disagreements?

It is also helpful to keep in mind what is and is not within our control when it comes to the relationship with this person. An example of what we can control is learning to regulate our own emotions better, and an example of what is out of our control would be the words or actions of the other person (or the lack thereof).