It’s time for Part III of my series of posts (Part I, Part II), and today I want to share with you 15 quotes from one of the most influential books of 20th century, written back in 1936 by Dale Carnegie – “How to Win Friends & Influence People”. I personally don’t know anyone who wouldn’t hear about this book, but surprisingly not many people in my network read it. If you are one of them, I suggest you to buy and study this book right away. Especially, if in your role you are managing people or/and responsible for building relationship with clients. This book is a gift! Despite its pocket size, it is full of wisdom. You can hardly find a single page without an insight or thought provocative statement. Among other things, from this book you will learn:
-Fundamental techniques in handling people;
-The six ways to make people like you;
-The twelve ways to win people to your way of thinking;
-The nine ways to change people without arousing resentment.
To understand how to implement these principles, you will need to read the full book. However, I hope that today’s post would provoke some thought process and make you think about how you lead/manage people and relationship with others. If you find it interesting, consider to purchase the book or at least do some more research. Let’s start.
“HOW TO WIN FRIENDS & INFLUENCE PEOPLE”
Copyright © 1936 by Dale Carnegie. Simon & Schuster Inc.
FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE
·Don’t criticize, condemn or complain;
·Give honest and sincere appreciation;
·Arouse in the other person an eager want.
1. “When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotions, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity”.
2. “Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain– and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. “A great man shows his greatness… by the way he treats little men”.
3. “There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. Did you ever stop to think of that? Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it. Remember, there is no other way”.
4. “If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I’ll tell you what you are. That determines your character. That is the most significant thing about you”.
5. “There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. I never criticize anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I’m anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise”.
SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
·Become genuinely interested in other people.
·Smile.
·Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
·Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
·Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
·Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
6. “In our interpersonal relations we should never forget that all our associates are human beings and hunger for appreciation. It is the legal tender that all souls enjoy. … Hurting people not only does not change them, it’s never called for”.
7. “I often went fishing up in Maine during the summer. Personally I am very fond of strawberries and cream, but I have found that for some strange reason, fish prefer worms. So when I went fishing, I didn’t think about what I wanted. I thought about what they wanted. … Why not to use the same common sense when fishing for people? … Why talk about what we want? That is childish. Absured. Of course, you are interested in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you: we are interested in what we want. So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. Remember that tomorrow when you are trying to get somebody to do something”.
8. “Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: “How can I make this person want to do it?” That question will stop us from rushing into a situation heedlessly, with futile chatter about our desires”.
9. “The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. … People who can put themselves in the place of other people, who can understand the working of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them”.
10. “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. … It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring”.
TWELVE WAYS TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
·The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
·Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
·If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
·Begin in a friendly way.
·Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
·Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
·Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
·Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
·Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
·Appeal to the nobler motives.
·Dramatize your ideas.
·Throw down a challenge.
11. “… people rarely succeed at anything unless they have fun doing it. … You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you”.
12. “There is no mystery about successful business intercourse. … Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is so flattering as that. … many people fail to make a favourable impression because they don’t listen attentively. … So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems”.
13. “… I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument – and that is to avoid it. … Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right. You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph. And – A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still”.
14. “There is magic, positive magic, in such phrases as: “I may be wrong. I frequently am. Let’s examine the facts.” … You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong. That will stop all argument and inspire your opponent to be just as fair and open and broadminded as you are. It will make him want to admit he, too, may be wrong”.
15. “In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing – and keep on emphasizing - the things on which you agree. Keep emphasizing, if possible, that you are both striving for the same end and that your only difference is one of method and not of purpose. … The skillful speaker gets, at the outset, a number of “Yes” responses. This sets the psychological process of the listeners moving in the affirmative direction”.
NINE WAYS TO CHANGE PEOPLE WITHOUT AROUSING RESENTMENT
·Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
·Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
·Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
·Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
·Let the other person save face.
·Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
·Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
·Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
·Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
I would like to finish my post today with three brilliant bonus quotes as a special “thank you” to those who read this post until the end:
“The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them”.
“J. Pierpont Morgan observed, in one of his analytical interludes, that a person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one”.
“If you are satisfied with the results you are now getting, why change? If you are not satisfied, why not experiment?”
Thanks for your time. I hope you enjoyed the post and found something interesting and valuable in today's reading.
