Can You Develop Romantic Feelings for Someone over Time? (2024)

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Written byChristina Jay, NLP|Edited byHannah Madden

Last Updated: January 5, 2024Fact Checked

Some people experience love at first sight: they know that they want to be with someone the second they lay eyes on them. For others, love happens gradually—the more time you spend with them, the deeper your feelings are. Here, we’ll dissect some of love’s more complicated issues, as well as give some advice on how you can figure out if you really have feelings for someone or if the spark just isn’t there.

This article is based on an interview with our certified life coach and matchmaker, Christina Jay, founder of Preferred Match. Check out the full interview here.

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   Yes, romantic feelings can absolutely develop over time. As you get to know someone more, you might develop feelings for them. Even if you were friends with someone first, chatting with them and getting to know them more as a person can create a deeper connection.^[1] If you find that you like a lot of things about this person and you two have a lot in common, you might just start liking them on a romantic level instead of a strictly platonic one.^[2]

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   Attraction and sexual chemistry can also develop over time. Have you ever met someone that was perfect for you on paper, but when you’re with them, you just aren’t really feeling it? You might be missing that certain “spark,” or physical attraction to them. If you want to make this work, don’t worry—experts note that it often takes some time for us to realize just how attracted we are to someone.^[3]

   • For many people, attraction develops after you’ve created a deeper connection with someone. As you get to know them more, you’ll probably find that you have more sexual chemistry together.

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1. Love at first sight is real, but it doesn’t happen to everyone. Studies show that some people do actually have a chemical response in their brains when they see someone they’re attracted to.^[4] However, these feelings are often superficial, and they usually don’t last as long as real, true love does. Oftentimes, love at first sight is simple attraction—it can become love over time, but it might not start out that way.

   • Keep in mind that there’s a difference between love and lust, too. Lust usually disappears after 3 to 6 months, while love will usually stick around for much longer.^[5]

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   You share the same values. Your core values are the attributes that you hold most dear. They’re the things that you look for in a partner: trust, honesty, loyalty, empathy, religion, and communication are just a few of them. Sharing the same morals and view on life means that you’re mostly compatible, and you might just be able to develop feelings for them over time.^[6]

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   You can’t stop thinking about them. You probably think about your friends a little bit, but if you can’t stop thinking about someone almost all the time, you might be catching feelings for them.^[7] Some people even fantasize about the person they love, or imagine what it would be like to be together.^[8]

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   You want to introduce them to friends and family. When we love (or even really like) someone, we want our loved ones to like them, too. If you’re looking for ways to bring this special person around your family or introduce them to your friends, it might be because you’re crushing on them.^[9]

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   You feel jealous when you think about them with other people. This is a telltale sign that you have feelings for someone. If the thought of breaking it off and sending them out into the world to find someone else makes you feel jealous, you’re probably catching feelings for them.^[10]

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   You don’t think about them sexually. For many of us, our friends are just our friends: we don’t think about them in “that way.” If the idea of kissing someone or getting handsy with them doesn’t really appeal to you, it probably means your relationship is strictly platonic (and that’s fine).^[11]

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   You enjoy hanging out, but you don’t think about them all the time. When you’re friends with someone, you probably really like spending time with them, but you’re okay if you can’t see them every day. This most likely means that they’re just a good buddy, and that you’re okay with keeping things platonic.^[12]

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wikiHow Quiz: Am I In Love?

True love can be overwhelming, confusing—and totally incredible. So how do you know if you’ve been struck by cupid’s bow? With a little self-reflection, you can totally discover if your feelings are the real deal. Take our quiz to find out if you’re in love!

Gasp! Your love interest walks into the room. How are you feeling?

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   Spend quality time together. Make an effort to be with your partner face-to-face often, and do activities that bring you closer together. Texting and messaging are fine for baseline communication, but chatting in-person is the best way to get to know them on a deeper level.^[13]

   • We’re all busy with other responsibilities that take up a lot of our time. Consider setting aside one day a week to spend with this person to prioritize your time together.
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   Find your shared interests. What’s something that you two like to do together? Maybe you both have the same hobby, or maybe you’re both foodies. Focus on finding those activities that you can do together as a couple to strengthen your bond and deepen your connection. Over time, you’ll notice that your feelings have probably gotten stronger.^[14]

   • Don’t have anything in common yet? No problem! Try a new activity together to find something you both like. You could take a painting class, try a new team sport, or simply break out a few board games to see if anything sticks.
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   Be a good listener. Our bonds really strengthen and grow when we take the time to listen deeply to the other person. When you two chat, be sure you’re actively listening, and ask follow-up questions if you need more explanation. You can get to know someone very fast by listening to them talk about themselves, which can strengthen your bond over time.^[15]

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See Also
The Little Things in Relationships That Matter the Most

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   Test the waters by flirting with them. If you aren’t quite sure whether or not a friend has feelings for you, you can feel things out subtly by flirting. Tell them they look nice (or even handsome/beautiful) or tease them a little bit, and just see how they react. If they flirt back, you might just be in luck.^[16]

   • Keep in mind that if they already have a partner, you probably don’t want to flirt with them (or confess your feelings at all). Getting in between someone’s romantic partner can be messy, and it’s not a great thing to do in general.
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   Tell them directly. The best way to express your feelings (even though it might be hard) is just to tell the other person how you feel. Let them know that you think you might be falling for them, and that you’d like to take your relationship to the next level. If you don’t try, you’ll never know!^[17]

   • Say something like, “We’ve been friends for so long, but I think I might like you (like, more than a friend). Are you open to trying things out with me as something more?”
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   Accept the answer that they give you. Your friend might not feel the same way about you, and that’s okay. If they just want to be friends, just accept your relationship for what it is, and try to set your sights elsewhere.^[18]

   • It can be tough to stay friends with someone you have feelings for. If you need to, you can take a little break from your relationship until you feel solid enough to be friends with them again.

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