Why is Loving Ourselves So Hard to Do? (2024)

FAQs

Why is loving ourselves so hard to do? ›

Lack of understanding. Another reason many people struggle with self-love is because they don't understand how important and influential this practice is in shaping their mental health, happiness, and emotional well-being.

You're not accepting yourself for who you truly are.

It's easy to love the beautiful things about ourselves. Loving the unpleasant parts is much harder – but even more important. Accepting those negative traits can feel uncomfortable; we've been taught to hide and feel ashamed of those parts of ourselves.

It has to do with how we hold ourselves and relate to our feelings. It means finding the strength and resilience to embrace the full range of our human emotions. It means finding inner resources so that we can gently embrace our feelings rather than meet them with aversion or judgments.

We love the people we love because we see positive traits or qualities in them. So if you're constantly putting yourself down in any way and for any reason, it's going to be hard to truly love yourself. Lastly, you might have a hard time loving yourself if you believe that love can come only from other people.

Being hard on yourself and having shaming thoughts can come from sources like your family, peers, educational institutions, culture, religion, work places, and other places as well. They can also be a result of being predisposed to certain mental conditions, as low self-esteem can be a sign of certain disorders.

For some reason, the message that you are not good enough is the one that stays with you. Perhaps you found it difficult to live up to other people's expectations of you, or to your own expectations. Stress and difficult life events, such as serious illness or a bereavement, can have a negative effect on self-esteem.

Causes of low self-esteem

Ongoing stressful life event such as relationship breakdown or financial trouble. Poor treatment from a partner, parent or carer, for example, being in an abusive relationship. Ongoing medical problem such as chronic pain, serious illness or physical disability.

It could be past trauma, unfamiliarity with receiving, feelings of unworthiness, and much more. Regardless, it is very common to feel resistance to receiving love in compliments, affection, accepting help, and more.

It's incredibly challenging to constantly prioritize caring for yourself and put activities in place to make sure you keep doing this. We have some many daily stressors, pressures, and expectations that self-care ends up coming up second to all of our other responsibilities. If we were robots this would be fine.

The hardest part is learning to walk away from people and situations - to save yourself. It's very very hard because most of the time it's a person/people or situation that you love very much and care about, but self-love means we have to be concerned with our own safety and well-being.

Why is it hard to unlove? ›

Here are some reasons why it might be hard to let go: Love is addictive: And not just in the '90s song kind of way. When you love someone, your body goes through a number of changes that encourage the production of compounds like dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin.

You've been taught to believe that self-love and love from others is somehow the same thing. It's not. You can love yourself all you want but that isn't going to replace the loving connection that human beings need from others. We are social beings.

Self-hatred is a common and painful problem that tends to lead to more difficulties such as addiction, eating disorders, and self-harm. Still, through committed action, it can be turned into self-love. Even a wish to love one's self is a step above pure self-hatred. If you are struggling with this, help is available.

You Think Putting Yourself First Means Putting Others Last

In many ways, this all-or-nothing thinking never leaves us. Thus, it's natural to think the opposite of selfless is selfish, that to care for others, we must sacrifice the care of ourselves.

Our minds play a significant role in our struggle with self-care. Sometimes, we subconsciously view self-care as a luxury or a sign of selfishness, especially when we are conditioned to prioritize the needs of others. This mindset can lead to feeling guilty about taking time for ourselves.

Some of the many causes of low self-esteem may include: Unhappy childhood where parents (or other significant people such as teachers) were extremely critical. Poor academic performance in school resulting in a lack of confidence. Ongoing stressful life event such as relationship breakdown or financial trouble.